Lucky

Almost exactly two years ago, I posted a blog entitled Reflections of a WoMOM. 

This time of transition between being at home all summer with Callie and going back to work full time is tricky.  There are feelings of guilt that inevitably surface.  There are feelings of jealousy the come in to play when I see or hear about full time stay at home moms.  There are feelings of anxiety that arise about how she'll react to me leaving her again.

But this summer was kind of hard.  Staying home all day with my willful 2-year-old wasn't as easy as it had been the two summers before.  With all the fun and the laughter and the snuggles there were tantrums and stubbornness and battles.

So while I still felt the guilt and jealousy and anxiety about returning to work, I have to admit there was also excitement and a little relief.

Is that awful?

But here is why I allow myself to feel the excitement and relief along with all the other things:

1) Two + years later we are STILL blessed to have family childcare.  So Callie's days will be filled with lots of adventures with and tons of love from grandparents and her Daddy.

2) I LOVE what I do.  I LOVE the students I work with.  I LOVE the people I work with.  As crazy and stressful as it gets, I really do love it.

3) I know that I get many more days off and longer breaks than other working moms.  I'm thankful for that.

So today really was great.  I went to work, leaving my girl in the very capable hands of her Daddy.  I gave a presentation where I was able to share about the successful special education program I've helped build.  I worked and collaborated with other teachers and spent time discussing students who I am so excited to see next week.  I came home to spend the evening with my girl. We played and went to dinner and read books and laughed and imagined and sang Call Me, Maybe toddler-appropriate songs over and over again.  At bedtime she fell asleep in my arms.  Now I'm hanging out and chatting with my husband.  This is what content feels like.

We are lucky