I haven't really talked too much about my breast feeding experience on here, yet, but now it is time.
I have been lucky in the fact that I was able to nurse Callie for 8 months (before she weaned herself), and have been able to nurse Maya for six months (so far).
From what I remember, I never had any problems when nursing Callie. Everything worked well and she got it quickly and then just stopped on her own because the world was too exciting to waste time eating like that. The only problem came when my milk supply lessened because of going back to work and pumping. We started supplementing with formula a little bit and everything was fine. She still nursed, took a bottle, and it didn't seem to matter to her which one she got until she was 8-months-old.
It has been a slightly different story with Maya. At first it went pretty easily (after the first few days), but it got a whole lot harder after I went back to work. First, she refused the bottles. Then after she figured out the bottles (and how easy they were for her compared to nursing), it has been a struggle on and off for months. My milk supply has definitely decreased, and there are times that it takes a long time for my milk to "let down." It never comes immediately like milk in the bottles does. And if that is the case, she screams, then I get tense, and it kind of turns into a vicious cycle.
Lots of screaming. Lots of frustration.
So we are supplementing more and more with formula. I'm still pumping at work, but I can't pump enough to cover what she eats in a day. And I don't have the time and energy to pump nonstop at home. I still have about 10 bags of breast milk in the freezer that I had pumped on maternity leave, but I go through about 2 bags a week in addition to what I'm pumping at work. So I have about one more month that she'll be able to have bottles with equal amounts of breast milk and formula, and then it will be less breast milk and more formula.
I don't really have anything more to say about it besides I'm trying not to feel guilty about wanting to be done. It isn't a "magical" experience that some people make it out to be (or that I think it should be in my mind), and that makes me feel guilty too.
I will definitely keep trying to nurse, but when it is 1:30am and she is screaming...well...I'm also going to have a bottle on hand, just in case. And not feel too guilty about it.
Even a mom of a 6-month-old has got to get her beauty rest. Or, as I should really call it, let's-try-to-at-least-lighten-the-dark-circles-under-her-eyes rest.