2 Years

I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to say today.

It has been two years, and some days I can't believe it has been that long, and other days it seems like it has been a decade.  In my mind, life and memories are now marked by "Before Dad Died" and "After Dad Died," and I know they always will.

He was kind yet kickass, quiet yet goofy, patient yet powerful, and everyone's source of calm.

We have now lived our second year without him.

The first year of grief contained a fair amount of shock and confusion, in addition to sadness, joy, and figuring out how to live in the new normal we were faced with.

When I think about the second year, what comes to me the most is the fact that there have been so many good things that have happened.  We have felt so much joy, despite continuing to feel the deep pangs of loss.

On May 21st, 2016, Mari and Josh got married. The smiles you see here are so very genuine.    It was one of THE BEST days.

In September, Maya started preschool (not to mention Callie started 1st grade).  The girls have gotten so much bigger in 2 years.  I often think about them at the ages that my dad knew them, and how much fun he would have with them now.

We spent our 2nd holiday season surrounded by our family who continue to support and love us.

In February we were lucky enough to spend a week in Mexico with my Henderson uncles and aunts. Traveling with them without my dad was hard, but also so so so good.

And finally, Baby Lucy joined our family on April 5th, 2017.  There's not much to say about it except that babies are amazing and we all know that my dad knows and loves her, despite not being here to meet her.

So the hard reminder in all of this, once again, is life flows on.  And you have two choices: you can overwhelm yourself with sadness and the what-ifs, or you can embrace the things that can bring you joy in the here and now.

Do you have songs that so distinctly mark a certain point of your life?  I have one of those- it came out sometime in that first hazy year of grief.  I listened to it often, and every time I did I cried.  It is an instrumental "mash-up" of sorts.  I actually think my dad would have thought is was pretty cool, though he wouldn't have known the pop song used.  It is a Rachel Platten song, and the chorus lyrics go like this:

...This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me...

Well, the Piano Guys just so happened to combine this song with none other than "Amazing Grace."

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see

These past two years have been a fight.  But, as I hope I have illustrated, there have also been moments of amazing grace.

So in honor of my dad, I invite you to listen to "Fight Song/Amazing Grace" and reflect on your own life- the things you have fought for or fought through, and the moments of joy you have experienced. And after a few minutes, when the bagpipes swell with the sounds of "Amazing Grace", I hope you will take just a minute to think about my dad, or any other loved one(s) you have lost, and give thanks for their continued presence in your life.



I miss you, Dad.  And I love you.

Gratitude.