A Grief Update

It has been awhile since I've done a grief post.  So today seemed like an appropriate day for a couple of reasons. 

One reason being that it was one year ago today we lost my Grandma, or Gi-Gi as she liked the girls to call her.

My grandma was 91 and lived a long, full life. She taught us a lot about tenacity in her last couple days, because she held on as hard as she could while her body slowly shut down. She was a tenacious lady her whole life, actually.

Our grief over her loss rather quickly turned to gratitude, as we were thankful for her long life and also thankful her suffering was over.

None of us could have imagined our journey with grief starting again so suddenly 7 months later.

Which brings me to my second reason for posting about grief.  It has been a mind boggling 20 weeks since we lost my dad.

And really, the longer it gets, the more unreal it seems.

I haven't had much time the past few weeks to do much of anything besides putting one foot in front of the other and surviving another life transition back into full time work and being a parent of a kindergartener and busy 2-year-old.  I haven't really let myself think about much of anything because I couldn't really afford to lose it.

But tonight I'm sitting in it and thinking about it.

It is really hard to think about my dad's mom living to 91 and my dad's dad living to 79, and my dad only living to 59.

I know I should feel thankful for having 33 years with an awesome dad, but I just can't get past the feeling that we were cheated in the worst possible way for not getting another 30 years.

And I can't read the news because I hear about all these horrible people in the world who are still here, but my dad- one of the best people I knew- isn't.

I just don't understand.  I don't know how to make sense of it all. 

One thing I do know is that I can't believe how much I miss being able to go for my sunrise runs.  I desperately miss the sunrays.

Thankfully tonight, on a day that was dark and stormy, the sun prevailed and I got a little taste of what I have been missing.

And you can bet I'll be out the door at 6:30am on Saturday morning to see some more.