And Maya as a blonde toddler:
And just for fun, my first ever “belly picture” as a skinny 27-year-old. TEN YEARS AGO.
Tuesday, May 7, 2019
Timehop Tuesday
Happy Tuesday! Here is Callie with a scrunch face:
And Maya as a blonde toddler:
And just for fun, my first ever “belly picture” as a skinny 27-year-old. TEN YEARS AGO.
And Maya as a blonde toddler:
And just for fun, my first ever “belly picture” as a skinny 27-year-old. TEN YEARS AGO.
Sunday, May 5, 2019
Weekend Wrap-Up
Hey everybody!
We spent some time outside.
And went downtown because Mari was in town again!
Lucy, Boom, and I were all wearing yellow, so the upper left pic is our attempt to document our matching outfits.
This morning I was up bright and early, ready to run. I made it! It was a very hilly course, so that slowed me down a bit. But I finished half marathon #10 (in 11 years) in 2:24:23. And I had a great crew of cheerleaders, too!
When I got home and showered, etc., I spent some time in the hammock.
And then a nap in my bed too...ha!
I’m going to the P!nk concert tonight with Jenna. We have matching shirts. It’s going to be amazing!
It has been quite the weekend. Yesterday was pretty chill. I did my usual half marathon prep throughout the day: fluids, carbo loading, and a vanilla shake.
We spent some time outside.
And went downtown because Mari was in town again!
Lucy, Boom, and I were all wearing yellow, so the upper left pic is our attempt to document our matching outfits.
Maya came down after bedtime last night because her second bottom tooth was crazy wiggly. She and Chris were able to pop it out!
This morning I was up bright and early, ready to run. I made it! It was a very hilly course, so that slowed me down a bit. But I finished half marathon #10 (in 11 years) in 2:24:23. And I had a great crew of cheerleaders, too!
When I got home and showered, etc., I spent some time in the hammock.
And then a nap in my bed too...ha!
It was a beautiful afternoon so we went to our favorite park.
I’m going to the P!nk concert tonight with Jenna. We have matching shirts. It’s going to be amazing!
Friday, May 3, 2019
A Picture Update
This has been a long week.
And then got home on Tuesday in time to have lunch with my mom, Laura and Chris and the visit the cemetery.
G-ma made the girls adorable aprons.
And then sweet Maya at school and at home.
It’s now 10pm and I had this post mostly written and then totally forgot to finish it. But we also spent time outside! In the hammock! And it was super sunny!
Have a great weekend! Send sunny running vibes to me anytime between 7am-9:30am on Sunday morning please...half marathon #10 is almost here.
I started it at a conference in Duluth about children’s mental health.
And then got home on Tuesday in time to have lunch with my mom, Laura and Chris and the visit the cemetery.
G-ma made the girls adorable aprons.
And then sweet Maya at school and at home.
It’s now 10pm and I had this post mostly written and then totally forgot to finish it. But we also spent time outside! In the hammock! And it was super sunny!
Have a great weekend! Send sunny running vibes to me anytime between 7am-9:30am on Sunday morning please...half marathon #10 is almost here.
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Four Years
It is April 30, 2019. That means it has been four years since my family lost my dad.
It is really unfathomable.
It is hard to describe.
I found something online that helps describe grief as time passes. The author explains that in the beginning stages of grief, you have a big ball in a small space, and there is a pain button that pretty much gets hit all the time as the ball bounces around. As time goes on, your ball gets smaller. But the pain button is still the same, and your ball still hits it.
My ball of grief has gotten smaller. It doesn't mean I don't think about my dad. I think about him many times a day, every day. I think about him with the attitude of gratitude, most of the time. He appears in a fleeting thought, a silly memory, and whenever I put on my "Lee" ring or "Love Ya" necklace. Sometimes I wear his sweatshirts and have his picture by my bed.
But that pain button. The way she describes it. It is so crazily accurate. The pain button stays the same. My ball hits it at random times and at expected times. The depth of the feeling is always the same.
I often think about the blur of those first months. My kids were so little. I have no idea how I survived parenting and working and everything else.
It is really unfathomable.
It is hard to describe.
I found something online that helps describe grief as time passes. The author explains that in the beginning stages of grief, you have a big ball in a small space, and there is a pain button that pretty much gets hit all the time as the ball bounces around. As time goes on, your ball gets smaller. But the pain button is still the same, and your ball still hits it.
(If you are interested in seeing the full article about this, click here).
My ball of grief has gotten smaller. It doesn't mean I don't think about my dad. I think about him many times a day, every day. I think about him with the attitude of gratitude, most of the time. He appears in a fleeting thought, a silly memory, and whenever I put on my "Lee" ring or "Love Ya" necklace. Sometimes I wear his sweatshirts and have his picture by my bed.
But that pain button. The way she describes it. It is so crazily accurate. The pain button stays the same. My ball hits it at random times and at expected times. The depth of the feeling is always the same.
I often think about the blur of those first months. My kids were so little. I have no idea how I survived parenting and working and everything else.
But I did. We did.
My girls both bring up Bops every once in awhile. Callie remembers him. She tells stories about him to her sister and isn't afraid to ask me questions about him.
At bedtime we sing "My Life Flows On," a song sung at his funeral. I started singing it to them the night of the funeral, and we have sung it ever since. Maya happily sings it along with me. She doesn't know the significance of it yet, but I do. We chose that hymn specifically because it speaks to the significance of music and because of the message of hope despite (and through) adversity.
It feels like I'm running out of words to describe this whole process. It is mind-boggling to me that it is a universal experience for every single human and it is also so hard.
Plain and simple, I miss my dad. I miss seeing the girls play with him. I miss the family trips he would have planned for us. I miss hearing about the new technology he would have been excited about. I miss running with him, and having him cheer me on. I miss his weird dancing. I miss watching him play stupid games on his iPad. I miss visiting him at work and meeting him for lunch. I miss being kind of annoyed (but also happy) when he and Chris would go golfing together. I miss leaning against him on the couch or in church.
I'm so proud of our family and how we have put the pieces of our lives back together as best as we can without an integral piece. We have supported each other. Others have supported us. We are very lucky.
I'm hoping one day, when the girls are older, we'll be in church and one of the hymns will be "My Life Flows On." I'm hoping that as we sing it, the girls will look over at me and smile, because it is something so familiar, something that feels like home.
...No storm can shake my inmost calm, while to that rock I'm clinging. Since Christ is Lord of heaven and Earth, how can I keep from singing?
And I'll talk to them about their Bops. And how he was just the best.
I love you Dad!
My girls both bring up Bops every once in awhile. Callie remembers him. She tells stories about him to her sister and isn't afraid to ask me questions about him.
At bedtime we sing "My Life Flows On," a song sung at his funeral. I started singing it to them the night of the funeral, and we have sung it ever since. Maya happily sings it along with me. She doesn't know the significance of it yet, but I do. We chose that hymn specifically because it speaks to the significance of music and because of the message of hope despite (and through) adversity.
It feels like I'm running out of words to describe this whole process. It is mind-boggling to me that it is a universal experience for every single human and it is also so hard.
Plain and simple, I miss my dad. I miss seeing the girls play with him. I miss the family trips he would have planned for us. I miss hearing about the new technology he would have been excited about. I miss running with him, and having him cheer me on. I miss his weird dancing. I miss watching him play stupid games on his iPad. I miss visiting him at work and meeting him for lunch. I miss being kind of annoyed (but also happy) when he and Chris would go golfing together. I miss leaning against him on the couch or in church.
I'm so proud of our family and how we have put the pieces of our lives back together as best as we can without an integral piece. We have supported each other. Others have supported us. We are very lucky.
I'm hoping one day, when the girls are older, we'll be in church and one of the hymns will be "My Life Flows On." I'm hoping that as we sing it, the girls will look over at me and smile, because it is something so familiar, something that feels like home.
...No storm can shake my inmost calm, while to that rock I'm clinging. Since Christ is Lord of heaven and Earth, how can I keep from singing?
And I'll talk to them about their Bops. And how he was just the best.
I love you Dad!
Sunday, April 28, 2019
Weekend Wrap-Up
Happy Sunday! I’m actually up north in Duluth for a conference until Tuesday. So here are the few pictures I have from the weekend! We went to hang out at Boom’s house yesterday.
Callie made it halfway and Maya made it all the way!Check this out!
Chris took the girls to climb today after church. So fun!
Callie made it halfway and Maya made it all the way!
Have a great week!
Thursday, April 25, 2019
A Picture Update
Happy Friday!
It was beautiful on Tuesday so the kids in the neighborhood played outside (in a tree) and I went for a sunny run.
My birthday was exciting because Callie decided that she wanted to get her ears pierced!
She was SUPER NERVOUS but squeezed Chris’ thumb and was really brave. And earlier that morning she gave me my own new homemade earrings! So it was fun to take an earring picture.
Then for dinner we went to Snuffy’s.
Tonight we went to THE CIRCUS! I have a couple students who are in the Circus Juventas, an amazing student circus organization. This weekend is their spring show, so we went to see it. The girls were up way past their bedtime, but it was so fun!
Monday was Earth Day, but it was also rainy so we decided to make popcorn and watch Our Planet before bed.
It was beautiful on Tuesday so the kids in the neighborhood played outside (in a tree) and I went for a sunny run.
My birthday was exciting because Callie decided that she wanted to get her ears pierced!
She was SUPER NERVOUS but squeezed Chris’ thumb and was really brave. And earlier that morning she gave me my own new homemade earrings! So it was fun to take an earring picture.
Then for dinner we went to Snuffy’s.
Tonight we went to THE CIRCUS! I have a couple students who are in the Circus Juventas, an amazing student circus organization. This weekend is their spring show, so we went to see it. The girls were up way past their bedtime, but it was so fun!
Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, April 24, 2019
37!
I’m 37 today.
And what that also means is as of tomorrow, this blog has been around for a decade too! I’d like to think my writing has improved over the past 10 years, and my use of exclamation points has lessened. But here it is, my post from April 25, 2009.
The coolest part about that is the morning I woke up a decade ago, I took a pregnancy test (or two) and they were positive!
It has been quite the decade, and I’ll always be grateful my 27th birthday started it all off.
And what that also means is as of tomorrow, this blog has been around for a decade too! I’d like to think my writing has improved over the past 10 years, and my use of exclamation points has lessened. But here it is, my post from April 25, 2009.
Thanks for all the birthday love!
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