Weekend Wrap-Up

There is one more week of school before summer vacation.  I am both excited for it and dreading it.  It will be great to not have work stress for awhile, but stay-at-home-mom stress is no joke either (especially now that Maya is acting more and more like a TWO-YEAR-OLD. OMG). 

And I'm going to have a lot more time to start processing everything that has happened, which will probably be really hard.  I have really not had the chance to do much real processing since I have been back and work full time and parenting the rest of the time. 

So summer could be interesting.

But anyway.  The weekend.

Some of Saturday was low-key at home and some was hanging out downtown.

Remember when I said Maya was acting like her almost age?  The bottom picture was after she
threw a fit because I wouldn't let her walk into the busy street by herself.  She was not happy with me.

Callie had her dance "show" and let G-ma, Pa and Auntie Cat come, but they COULD NOT look at her. 

She was having a rough morning, so I texted the elevator picture to Chris, with the caption: It is hard to believe someone
so cute can be such a nightmare.  His response was, "Yup."

On Saturday night, I was able to spend some good one-on-one time with my mom.  We worked on her puzzle, drank wine, ordered in a delicious dinner, and then went to the MN Orchestra concert. 

My mom got a lot of waves and blown kisses from the musicians.  And one of the flutists came to see us before the concert, and gave each of us one of these little gold hearts.  She said they were for our pockets, so we could feel them and remember that we are loved.  So sweet.  The concert was beautiful and emotional.  I'm very glad I went.

Today was pretty low key.  We all went to church for the last day of Sunday School for the year.  Then we played outside and goofed around, and did the usual lazy Sunday stuff.

As you can see, Maya was trying to put her own sock on because we are in the
"I DO IT" phase, which is just in time for summer.  That girl is giving us a run
for our money.  Even when she is naughty she is adorable, so that is going to
become a big problem, because she knows it.

G-ma and Pa picked Callie up this afternoon for an adventure at one of the lakes and out for pizza.  What a lucky girl!

As June starts tomorrow, I'd like to ask for continued prayers for our family.  June will be a difficult month, as my dad's 60th birthday is tomorrow, my parents' wedding anniversary is on the 12th, and then Father's Day later in the month. 

Thank you for your continued love and support.

A Picture Update

Happy Weekend!
Here are some pictures from the week...

A crazy dance party

Wednesday with G-ma

It was finally HOT out yesterday!
(But the hose was VERY cold!)

Watching the crazy downtown construction

Can't get enough of this beautiful little one.

We're in trouble- I think the American Girl phase is starting.

We had dinner with Josh's family tonight, which includes his aunt, who happens to be
my 4th grade teacher, Ms. T!  Callie had fun coloring with her tonight.



Have a good weekend!

Four Weeks

When I blogged last week about the Diet Coke bottle, I mentioned that I had been working on a different post.  Here it is.   The one that is long and probably depressing.  You have been warned.

Dad died four weeks ago today- on the morning of Thursday, April 30th.

The events of the following week(s) were surreal, as I'm sure you have gathered from my blog posts since then.  And I am sure many of you felt that as well, because you were just as shocked as we were. 

During the first week, for as much as we were unsure of the day or what was happening, many events were scheduled.  We had to keep writing things down, otherwise we wouldn't have made it to any of them.

The day after it happened- Friday, May 1st- we were at the funeral home at 10am to plan the viewing, visitation, and other funeral arrangements.  Then we headed to the cemetery to buy a plot and design the memorial plaque.

On Saturday, May 2nd, we were at the church planning the funeral service- the music (which we had a lot of help with thanks to MN Orchestra members and the organist), the readings, hymns, remembrances, etc.

On Sunday, May 3rd and Monday, May 4th, we had to write the obituary and our remembrances for the funeral. 

On Tuesday, May 5th, our out of town family began arriving.  We then had the viewing of his body at 6:30pm.

On Wednesday, May 6th, more out of town family arrived.  We had the visitation from 5:00-8:00pm.

On Thursday, May 7th, we had the funeral service at 10:00am, followed by a lunch/reception.  That evening we had a large family dinner at 5:00pm.

On Friday, May 8th, we had the burial at 10:00am.

On Saturday, May 9th, our out of town family left.

On Sunday, May 10th, it was Mother's Day.

On Monday, May 11th, Chris and I went back to work.

Even after going through all that...living through it...I still can't believe it all happened.

I keep thinking, How is this our life right now?

When you live 33 years blissfully unaware of much pain or loss, it is hard to process the shock of losing one of the best people in your life.

I googled "quotes about grief" awhile ago (how depressing is that?!?!?) and came across this quote from Anne Lamott:

"You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved.  But this is also the good news.  They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up.  And you come through.  It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly- that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp."

A couple of friends have sent me other quotes:

"When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
-Kahlil Gibran

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing.  Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming.  All we can do is learn to swim."
-Vicki Harrison

"Tragedies will always be found in the things we love.  If we are not willing to see the beauty in losing something that means the world to us, then imagine how terrible it will be to live for them.  We must always welcome the end of all things.  For sometimes, knowing nothing lasts forever, is the only way we can learn to fall in love with all the moments and all the people that are meant to take our breath away."
-R.M. Drake

"Grief never ends...but it changes.  It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith...It is the price of love.
-Unknown

These quotes remind me of what my mom has said to me and my sisters almost daily: "We're gonna make it."

They also remind me how lucky we are that we had someone so wonderful in our lives.

It is hard to look too far into the future right now because that hurts too much.  But we take it one day at a time (sometime one hour or minute at a time), and when we wake up each morning we know we made it through another night to face another day.

It has been four weeks.  Every day there are tears, and every day there are moments of grace. And so far we have made it. 

Weekend Wrap-Up

It was a long weekend, so my wrap-up is on a Monday. Also, I am blogging from my phone and it seems like the formatting is weird, but I'm too lazy to hop on the laptop to fix it...sorry!

It was a pretty low-key weekend, actually. 

On Saturday Callie had a private dance class...because no one else showed up! It was nice for her to get some extra love and attention, and I got to talk to Ms. Connie for awhile.

G-ma and Pa kept the girls for the afternoon while Chris was golfing, so I had some free time. I decided it was time to go for a run for the first time in 3.5 weeks. I found a new path to take, so that was nice. It was lovely.

I felt fine physically, but pretty rough emotionally. All I could think about at the end of my run was when my Dad ran along side me towards the end of my full marathon, trying to get my butt in gear to finish. It is a fantastic memory to have, but heartbreaking at the same time. But I did it, and now am confident I'll be able to train for the half marathon at the end of August I had already signed up for.

The only other picture I have from Saturday is this gem:

Sweet girls.

On Sunday they continued being sweet in matching pigtails.

And then at the mall:

Chris and I went on a dinner date that night. Thanks for babysitting, Auntie Cat! We went to a place that makes their own mozzarella. It was delicious!

Today has been spent at home with this goofball and her sister.

This afternoon was the first try at a new normal. My mom, sisters, and Craig came over for the afternoon. It is the first time we have all been together (except Josh) since Mother's Day, probably. 

We spent a lot of time outside.

And we grilled and had dinner out on the deck.

And it was good to be together. But weird and sad.

And finally the sun came out.

Hope everyone had a lovely holiday weekend.

22-Months-Old!

It is hard to believe that this one is 2 months away from TWO.

Except when she starts to throw a fit or look at me with an impish look when she is doing something I specifically asked her not to do. Then it isn't hard to believe she is almost two.

She has brought many smiles to our faces in the midst of sadness these past weeks. Her sweetness and silliness continue to be a blessing every minute of every day.

But she is also the serious one.

And she will do anything for her sissy... And does everything her sissy does.

We love our little Love Bug like crazy and are so thankful for her. 

And her crazy eyes.

 

Untitled  from Baby Goose on Vimeo.

A Picture Update

I guess this counts as a FTPDF, but I'm renaming it so I can just share pictures without too much brain power.

Another week has come and gone.  There has been more sadness and grief, and more moments of peace.  And moments of grace.

Here are a collection of my favorite pictures from this week.

Smiles for Boom

She wakes up this adorable.

So does she.



The worm digger

I had a groupon for 2 photo pillows, and I finally ordered them. 
The pillow on the left is a picture my dad took when we were in Aruba.  We spent one early morning just the two of us on the beach, watching the birds and the waves.
The picture on the right is a picture of sunrays that I took near our house, a few days after he died.

A Friday morning at the park downtown

Soaking in the sunshine

Playing with the kitchen at the downtown library

Searching for the perfect book

I think I mentioned that we are trying to get our old house back on the market.  Chris (and his parents) have been over there many evenings this past week trying to get it ready.  We went to see it yesterday, and the girls had fun going crazy in our empty basement.  Many of you may remember the shag carpeting up the bar quite fondly.


IMG 7020 from Baby Goose on Vimeo.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend.

Today

I worked on a post yesterday that I was going to post today.  It was long and probably super depressing about what these past weeks have been like.

And then today happened. So I'll post that other post some other time, because this needs to be posted today.

The past few days I have been more numb than not. I haven't cried much. I just haven't felt connected to my body.

And because I haven't cried much, I have felt guilty about not crying much. 

Grief is ridiculous.

Then...today. I went on a field trip to the History Center. I'll be honest about the fact that I don't like field trips and wasn't excited about it. We made it through the morning and were in the cafe to get lunch. I got myself a salad and grabbed a diet coke. As I was walking to the cashier I looked down and saw this:

My body all of a sudden connected to my brain and my stomach plummeted and I couldn't breathe for a second.

I went to show it to my coworker and she looked at it, looked at me, and said, "Your dad is saying hi!"

Needless to say, there were tears today. 

Hi Dad.

Weekend Wrap-Up

Here I am.  Trying to be normal.

The Weekend Wrap-Up is my longest running regular post.  I just can't not do it.  Despite the unbelievable crapstorm of the past 17 days, good things still happen every day.  Things that are worthy of being photographed and shared. 

This post won't be as wordy or organized as in the past, but here is something.

Amidst all the chaos of our lives personally, the renters in our old house moved out the first weekend of May.  So...Chris has fully taken on everything there is to take on in terms of getting it ready to sell.  I have had nothing to do with it (I don't even have the brain power to remember if I ate lunch, let alone anything that has to do with trying to sell a house).

This weekend, our amazing village came through for us.  Again.  For the five millionth time. G-ma and Pa spent ALL WEEKEND there.  Yesterday we had a huge crew of dudes (so many guys...thank you all!) breaking down a retaining wall and rebuilding it.  G-ma, Hanna and Mari painted and did other things inside.  Pa did many other miscellaneous jobs.  It was unbelievable how hard everyone worked for us.  I'm so incredibly thankful.

Boom, the girls and I stopped by in the afternoon to bring ice cream treats and water.  Then we went to the park that we went to often with Callie when we lived there.

Because of the other house, Chris has been gone a lot.  It has been hard, but it has given me quality time with the girls.

And don't you love that pillow???  My friend Amanda embroidered it for me.  I sent her a picture of Callie's handwriting, and she made the pillow case.  SO ADORABLE.

Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers.  I know so many people are still thinking about us and praying for us and we still feel it. 

A Picture Update

I can't really give you too much of an update in words right now.  I made it through my first week back at work, and people were lovely and kind and understanding. 

I go through each day mostly in a state of numbness.  I guess you'd call that denial.  I've read that is the first stage of grief, and I'm deep in it.

So all I have for you tonight is a catch-up post of pictures.  I apologize if there are repeats.  I can't remember what I have already posted and am too lazy to go back and look, so you might get to see some of the same cute pictures twice.

One cool chick

Cal and Uncle Craigles

Playing at the park

A 5-year-old shadow selfie

Elise's princess birthday party

Smiley toddler

Baby Goose found a baby goose

A bath in Boom's big tub

Drawing on a box

These two.