2 Years

I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to say today.

It has been two years, and some days I can't believe it has been that long, and other days it seems like it has been a decade.  In my mind, life and memories are now marked by "Before Dad Died" and "After Dad Died," and I know they always will.

He was kind yet kickass, quiet yet goofy, patient yet powerful, and everyone's source of calm.

We have now lived our second year without him.

The first year of grief contained a fair amount of shock and confusion, in addition to sadness, joy, and figuring out how to live in the new normal we were faced with.

When I think about the second year, what comes to me the most is the fact that there have been so many good things that have happened.  We have felt so much joy, despite continuing to feel the deep pangs of loss.

On May 21st, 2016, Mari and Josh got married. The smiles you see here are so very genuine.    It was one of THE BEST days.

In September, Maya started preschool (not to mention Callie started 1st grade).  The girls have gotten so much bigger in 2 years.  I often think about them at the ages that my dad knew them, and how much fun he would have with them now.

We spent our 2nd holiday season surrounded by our family who continue to support and love us.

In February we were lucky enough to spend a week in Mexico with my Henderson uncles and aunts. Traveling with them without my dad was hard, but also so so so good.

And finally, Baby Lucy joined our family on April 5th, 2017.  There's not much to say about it except that babies are amazing and we all know that my dad knows and loves her, despite not being here to meet her.

So the hard reminder in all of this, once again, is life flows on.  And you have two choices: you can overwhelm yourself with sadness and the what-ifs, or you can embrace the things that can bring you joy in the here and now.

Do you have songs that so distinctly mark a certain point of your life?  I have one of those- it came out sometime in that first hazy year of grief.  I listened to it often, and every time I did I cried.  It is an instrumental "mash-up" of sorts.  I actually think my dad would have thought is was pretty cool, though he wouldn't have known the pop song used.  It is a Rachel Platten song, and the chorus lyrics go like this:

...This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me...

Well, the Piano Guys just so happened to combine this song with none other than "Amazing Grace."

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see

These past two years have been a fight.  But, as I hope I have illustrated, there have also been moments of amazing grace.

So in honor of my dad, I invite you to listen to "Fight Song/Amazing Grace" and reflect on your own life- the things you have fought for or fought through, and the moments of joy you have experienced. And after a few minutes, when the bagpipes swell with the sounds of "Amazing Grace", I hope you will take just a minute to think about my dad, or any other loved one(s) you have lost, and give thanks for their continued presence in your life.



I miss you, Dad.  And I love you.

Gratitude.

A Picture Update

Oh my gosh it is Friday and we made it.

My birthday was on Monday. I ended up leaving work  a little early to hang out with this girl for a couple hours. 

 

Chris surprised me with a dinner out with my friend Adrea and her boyfriend Steve. It was lovely. And I got free chocolate cake and the four of us got mini tirimisu martinis on the house too!

 

Also, Chris got me calming bath bombs. Maybe he thinks that I may benefit from some calming activities. 

He is probably right.

Baby Lucy and Auntie Yoda came to visit us on Tuesday night! It was perfect timing because Callie made Lucy's name in fuse beads that day at school.

 

The girls played at G-ma and Pa's house midweek and we also went to the library.

 

And then it was snowing yesterday morning. 

 

Maya has become re-obsessed with her "newborn baby", formerly known as "Baby Elliott." She says that she came from "the newborn baby store" (if only it was that easy, right Auntie Yoda?!?) and in order to get her to stop crying you just have to "squeeze her really hard." 

 

That's all I got. Have a good weekend.

Timehop Tuesday

Here are my Timehops- the girls. 😃😃

 

And another fun Timehop, because it was 8 years ago yesterday we found out we were going to have a baby! And 8 years ago today I started this blog. We have come a long way.

 

If you are curious about my first ever blog post, 

click here! I painfully overused exclamation points, but I was clearly excited.

Thanks for all the birthday love yesterday! It was a good day (even if it was Monday).

Weekend Wrap-Up: The 45-Months-Old Edition!

This girl. She's 3 months away from FOUR.

She is a non-stop talker and has so many awesome ideas.  Here is a video I took of her on Friday night.

Untitled from Baby Goose on Vimeo.

Such a goofball.

On to our weekend. I went for a run both Saturday (4 miles) and Sunday (6 miles). I was lucky enough to enjoy sunrays both mornings.

 

Yesterday I went to lunch and birthday shopping with Boom, Auntie Yoda and Baby Lucy!

 

The girls had a sleepover with Auntie Cat at G-ma and Pa's house.  They had so much fun outside roasting hot dogs, etc, on the fire.

 

While they were over there, we went to Dan and Hanna's to celebrate Hanna's birthday that was yesterday!! There was even a piñata! Later we went to a brewery where there were free retro arcade games. Pinball was our favorite.

 

This morning Bethany and Weston were in town! Jenna and I met them for coffee and it was great to catch up and see Weston. 

 

Then the girls and I went to Boom's house and went for a walk (and roll) at Gold Medal Park.

 

Untitled from Baby Goose on Vimeo.

This afternoon we met Jenna, Andy and the kids at our park, and then came back to our house to grill.

This week coming up is a big one. I turn 35 tomorrow. I run a 10K on Saturday. We'll acknowledge the 2nd anniversary of my dad's death on Sunday. Lots to process and prepare for.

A Picture Update

Happy Friday!

It was another fast week. Maya got to hang out with Boom, Auntie Yoda and Baby Lucy on Monday.

 

When Callie and I got home we went for a mile run together, and she rocked it!!

 

On Tuesday Maya and I read the Sneetches book and other stories. It was my book growing up, and now still one of her favorites. She especially likes the story about the green pants with no one in them.

 

Maya hung out with G-ma and Pa on Wednesday and Thursday.

 

She still naps sometimes, but only in the car!

On Thursday night Callie started up swimming lessons again after a long hiatus. She was not super stoked about it because it was really hard for her. She hates putting her face in the water.  I hope this will be a good lesson in perseverance. 

 

Tonight was sunny and lovely so we spent time outside.

 

We have another fun and busy weekend ahead!

Timehop Tuesday

Hey there! Happy Tuesday!

First up, Easter!

 

And then: me with my girls.

 

Weekend Wrap-Up: The Happy Easter Edition!

First off, Happy Easter! Here are the girls in their Easter finest (don't they look like little models with a fan blowing their hair?).

 

And our family picture.

 

Today we had a busy day of playing, eating, and being with our families. 

But before I get to that, I'll tell you about the rest of our busy weekend. On Friday, the girls, Chris and I spent the night at a hotel with a water park! We had a blast! 

 

The big water slides were definitely the highlight!  Both girls went down the slides SO MANY TIMES.  Here is some video of the different slides.


IMG_3209[1] from Baby Goose on Vimeo.

Besides the water park fun, the girls also enjoyed other elements of staying at a hotel- our room hot tub, and the arcade. They were not psyched about sharing the pull-out couch for sleeping, but they eventually fell asleep...

 

On Saturday afternoon we went bowling and dinner with G-ma, Pa, Auntie Cat, Uncle Dan, and Hanna. It was a combined birthday celebration- a late birthday for Dan and Chris, and an early birthday for me and Hanna.

 

 

When you have a 3-year-old and you try and take a picture before dinner, this happens.

 

Crazy girl!

This morning I went on a 5 mile run and saw the Easter sunrise.

 

I got home just in time for the girls to wake up and see their Easter Bunny treats.

 

We then headed to G-ma and Pa's house for a Gosselin family Easter celebration.

There were hidden Easter baskets.

 

And Uncle Dan hid Easter eggs.

 

And we did some outdoor exploring and dice game playing.

 

After a stop at home for some much needed downtime, we headed downtown for the Henderson Easter celebration!

 

 

Baby Lucy was adorable, as to be expected. The girls were happy to see her.

 

So were lots of other people.

 

And Boom made scavenger hunts for both girls with fun prizes at the end!

 

Mari and I went to church tonight to watch Mom play her flute. The sanctuary is always so beautiful on Easter.

 

This past month there have been many pictures from Easters of years past that have popped up on my Timehop. Obviously, my dad has been in many of those pictures. I think about him and miss him every day, but days like today make it that much more pronounced. So I thought I would share one of my favorite Easter pictures of him. It shows him as typical Bops- not at all ashamed to put on pink bunny ears to make his granddaughter happy.

 

I'll leave you with video of the girls hanging out with Lucy! It's bound to put a smile on your face.

Untitled from Baby Goose on Vimeo.

Hope everyone had a lovely Easter. 

A Picture Update

Happy Friday!!!!!!! 

First up, a challenge. Which cousin is which?!? 

 

Callie, Maya, and now Lucy have sported this adorable blue baby outfit. Laura and Mari got it for Callie when she was a couple days old, when I realized I didn't have enough newborn stuff.

Did you guess (from Left to Right): Callie, Lucy, Maya? If you did, you are right!

Anyway, this week actually flew by. And Callie had a pretty darn fun spring break.

The girls hung out with Boom on Monday. And there was finger painting. And brunch. And ice cream.

 

While Maya had school on Tuesday, Callie got to go to MOA with Hanna and do Sea Life Aquarium and ride fast rides like the Log Chute and Roller Coaster!

 

Both girls hung out with G-ma and Pa on Wednesday and Thursday. So much playing. And Callie also had a dental check up. 

 

Today it was back to Boom's for another busy day of coloring Easter eggs, bubble painting, making Rice Krispie bars, and seeing Auntie Mari, Auntie Yoda, and Baby Lucy! They were so busy that I got pictures sent to me in three parts.

 

 

 

We have a super busy and super fun weekend ahead.  Come back on Sunday for a bunch more pictures of our adventures.